Punchdrunk Lovesick Singalong
by clarembees
Summary: A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another they will fall for each other...Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.
1. Thinking About You

_Author's Note: This is my first time writing for The Big Bang Theory fandom, so I apologize if the characters are OOC. I know the majority of this fandom is pro Sheldon and Penny, who I like together, but after the season four finale and the season five premiere, I've been really into the idea of Raj and Penny._

_The song that inspired me for this fic "Punchdrunk Lovesick Singalong" by Radiohead, which is where the title comes from. At the beginning of every chapter, I'll post lyrics to the song that the chapter is named after; sort of like how the show takes its episode names from science stuff, but I'm not a scientist nor am I studying to be one, so yeah._

_Also, the overall rating for this story is T because there's not enough sex or language for it to be rated M, but some chapters will be rated M for content just so you know._

_Before I ask you not to flame me, I have to thank my beta Kat because if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be posting this. Seriously. So just be constructive with your criticism, if you have any, that's all I ask._

**Prologue: Thinking About You**

_**But I'm playing with myself, and what do you care/When the other men are far, far better**_

"_**Thinking About You" - by Radiohead**_

"_Thank you for being my friend." _

Like a loop those six words kept playing in Raj's head after he left Amy's apartment.

Even though, he knew deep down trying to start something with Penny was a long shot, he couldn't stop himself from downing two flask's worth of brandy and asking her to 80's night at The Greek. Realistically, he should have known better. She told him herself – while they were drinking wine when he briefly became Sheldon's roommate – that breaking up with Leonard was a big mistake and she never should have done it.

Her feelings for Leonard were _definitely_ an issue, but beyond that a relationship between them would have been impossible anyway. Without the help of alcohol, there would be no way for him to communicate with her due to his selective mutism, and it's not like you can base a relationship on alcohol, he should know.

Not to mention she was a smoking hot babe and he was a cripplingly shy Indian science nerd.

Relationships between people like them only worked out on TV and in the movies. Like in _Sexy and the City_ when gorgeous Charlotte married her highly unattractive Jewish divorce attorney Harry Goldenblat.

In the real world, girls like Penny didn't look twice at guys like him. Sure, she and Leonard had gone strong for awhile, but ultimately they crashed and burned like a meteorite hurdling through space.

Being friends without sprinkles was the only viable option for them, but it still didn't make the reality hurt any less. Especially when he could still feel the warmth of her body heat lingering from when she hugged him. Just like he could still smell her on his clothes; a tempting, tantalizing scent of wildflowers and crisp nectarine.

Sighing, he walked into his apartment and after changing into his pajamas, he decided his telescope would be his best bet for company tonight. Normally, he would have called Howard, but they weren't exactly on the best of terms after Leonard revealed his crush on Bernadette along with the poetry he secretly had been writing for her.

Peering up at the night sky, he looked up at the constellations hoping the various figures would take his mind off of Penny before he did something stupid like down the rest of the alcohol in his apartment and post drunken messages on Amy's facebook wall about her. Or worse, _actually_ call Penny herself and hit on her obnoxiously like he did after he was published in _People Magazine_.

As much as he longed to be more with her, losing her as a friend would be much worse.

He lingered on the constellation Pegasus longer than the others. The various stars that made up the famed winged horse reminded him of Penny. With her long golden waves of hair, flawless tan skin and beautiful body she was the mirror image of He-Man's twin sister She-Ra. Suddenly, a voice that sounded suspiciously like Sheldon's east Texas twang entered his head.

"_Really, Rajesh, how could the constellation Pegasus remind you of Penny? She's a person not a horse with wings. I doubt she'd be very flattered by the comparison. And furthermore, Pegasus is **just** a winged horse; She-Ra, as any self-respecting human being would tell you, rode a **unicorn** with wings."_

Oh my God, he thought, his face contorting in horror, Sheldon's inside my head!

Quickly, he tried to think of _anything_ but the extremely rigid physicist, but of course his mind brought him right back to Penny. He knew it was useless to think about her, but he couldn't help himself.

They may not have had sex, but in between their rapidly clumsy undressing, there was some damn good clumsy kissing. He knew how she tasted just like he knew how she smelled. Her full lips were just like a fresh raspberry; tart and sweet, the perfect combination to leave you wanting more, and oh yes, he wanted more.

His body temperature began to rise just as his loose plaid pajama pants began to tighten.

Swallowing thickly, he ran a shaky hand through his hair before leaving his telescope behind and seeking refuge in his bedroom.

It was like he never outgrew being a horny teenager, his fantasies getting the better of him and causing him to lose control. What happened in his bedroom was eerily similar to what happened between him and Penny in Leonard's bedroom, the only difference is his own rough, calloused hand brought him to release instead of her smooth, delicately curved hand; not that he wasn't imagining her hand on him because he was.

Sweaty and exhausted, he fell into a restless sleep; his dreams only filled with long golden waves of hair, big brown eyes, raspberry lips and the most beautiful body he'd ever seen.


	2. I've Been A Bad, Bad Girl

_Author's Note: __The dialogue at the beginning doesn't belong to me; it's taken from the season four finale "The Roommate Transmogrification._

**Chapter One: I've Been A Bad, Bad Girl**

_**And I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against/Because he's all I ever knew of love**_

_**- "Criminal" - by Fiona Apple**_

"_Can I tell you a secret?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_I screwed up. Leonard's a great guy, **never** should have broken up with him."_

"_Well to paraphrase Shakespeare it's better to have loved and lost, then stay home alone downloading **increasingly** shameful pornography."_

"_Oh, you poor baby."_

"_What's wrong with me Penny?"_

"_Nothing. Nothing. You know if we weren't friends and if you hadn't brought up that creepy pornography story, I'd be on you like the speed of light squared on matter to make energy."_

It wasn't _just_ bits and pieces of her conversation with Raj from two nights ago that haunted Penny, it was the _whole_ thing.

He was the _last_ person – okay, maybe not the last, _Sheldon_ was the last person she wanted to end up in bed with, but life – as she knew all too well – rarely worked out how you wanted it to. If life worked out the way she wanted, she wouldn't be slaving away at The Cheesecake Factory, she'd be a mega-famous movie star like she had intended when she came to Los Angeles in the first place.

Sighing heavily, she ran her fingers through her hair, she wondered what the hell had possessed her to tell Raj she wanted him in geek speak. It's not like they had _that_ much wine? Cause she could hold her liquor. She was from Nebraska! Drinking's like an Olympic sport there!

Biting down on her lip, she tried to think of how she was going to fix this big ol' mess she had gotten herself into.

Because the reality was, even though Leonard was with Priya, she was being completely truthful when she told Raj that she screwed up by breaking up with Leonard. He was the best boyfriend she ever had, and the only guy she ever really, truly loved.

Sure, she had told other guys she loved them, but she didn't _mean_ it or _understand_ what it meant until Leonard, and she wasn't going to give something like that up without a fight.

At least not _now_ she wasn't. Priya was going back to India, and that meant she had an opening and an opening – however small – was all she needed.

The wheels in her head began to turn, playing out every scenario she had seen in every chick flick ever made, and slowly a plan began to formulate. Thank God, she was back in her own apartment because if she was still over at Amy's, Amy would have told her all the flaws based on, like, the Scientific Method of the 100 ways this plan could go wrong, and she so _didn't_ need that. Or worse, she would have _actually _calculated the probability of her success.

Making sure to select the _perfect_ outfit, she also made sure not to _just_ brush her hair the normal 100 times, but _200_ so it would be _extra_ shiny. Pivoting back and forth, she scrutinized her reflection in the mirror over and over, before deciding, screw it; no bra was definitely the way to go.

Grabbing her keys off the coffee table, she left her apartment and headed across town.

Taking a deep breath, she was about to knock on the door, when _something_ – this like nagging feeling – inside of her stopped her. The longer she stood there, her hand suspended in mid-air, the _worse_ her "perfect" plan seemed to get. Realizing her conscious or whatever that nagging feeling was, was ultimately right, her hand fell limply at her side and just as she turned around, the person she had come to see, rounded the corner.

Instant panic washed across Raj's full, but still angular features, his charcoal eyes looking like they were about to bug out of his head, and she wasn't sure if it was just his usual reaction or that he noticed she wasn't wearing a bra.

Sighing, she closed the gap between them, her feet stomping in frustration along the way. "Really?" She all but screeched. "You've seen me _naked_ and unless you're half-way drunk, you _still_ can't talk to me? That _really_ creams my corn, you know!"

His bottom lip trembled slightly and with his eyes still stretched wide, he resembled a fearful puppy, which had her frustrated stance softening. "Oh, sweetie." She gushed, pulling him into a tight hug. "I'm sorry. I know how hard this is for you. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that."

Her hands moved up and down his back in a soothing motion until she felt him relax, then she broke the hug and gave him a soft smile. "I should go. You've probably got stars to look at and planets and whatever, and I wouldn't want to keep you from that. Sorry that I just showed up here."

Turning on her heel, she didn't get the chance to take another step because his hand was curled around her wrist. Looking at him over her shoulder, she asked, "Yeah, Sweetie?"

Jerking his head in the direction of his closed apartment door, he pointed at himself and then at her, which made her perfectly tweezed brows furrow and her button nose scrunch in confusion. "Do you want me to come inside with you?"

Nodding vigorously, she took that as a yeas and followed him inside his apartment. Watching him take out a bottle of wine, she instantly regretted asking if he wanted her to come inside. She was no physicist, but she knew wine plus them equaled a bad combination, and she _definitely_ didn't want to repeat the night at Sheldon's.

He offered her a glass and she shook her head. "No thanks. I'm driving."

The laughter she gave was forced and he gave her a subdued nod as he sipped from the glass in his hand before quickly pouring himself another and another. After five glasses, he swallowed thickly and in a soft tone – almost a whisper, really – said, "Hello, Penny."

Just as he was about to down another glass, she reached out and put her hand over his. Smiling gently, she suggested, "Why don't you put that down, Sweetie? I think you've had enough to carry on a conversation, don't you?"

"Not with a woman as beautiful as you." He answered, ducking his head shyly.

"Awwww." She mused, giving him her usual bright smile.

"Just to, you know, be on the safe side." He murmured, pouring a sixth glass. Clearing his throat, he raised the glass and his charcoal eyes stared into her brown as he said, "To your beauty."

The flush of her tan cheeks made his heart race and his stomach tumble. Or maybe that was the six consecutive glasses of wine that did it; either way, his body was going haywire and his mind was already swimming with ways of how to pay her more compliments and be witty and funny, so he would be treated to the melodic sounds of her laughter.

"So I think it's safe to say, finding a beautiful woman on my doorstep – despite what you might think – does not happen to me every day. Did we not say everything we had to say to each other the other night?"

The look on his face was half hopeful and half afraid of what she was going to say. Moving a little closer, she put her hand on his knee and gave it an affectionate squeeze. "Honey, we said everything we had to say. You don't want to know why I came here, trust me."

His lips curved upwards slyly as he waggled his eyebrows. "Did you decide that our one and only encounter just wasn't enough for you, and you wanted to experience _everything_ a ride on the Rajesh Koothrapali has to offer?"

Her beautiful features turned sour and she moved all the way to the other end of the couch. "Um, no!"

"Oh." His face fell, but she wasn't falling for it this time.

"Don't give me that sad puppy look, Mister." She scolded, wagging her finger. "We both agreed to being friends _without_ sprinkles, remember?"

"I know."

There was something in his tone, an almost defeated edge that made her stomach clench, but she couldn't worry about that right now. Right now, she needed to make sure they were both on the same page once and for all.

"I meant what I said about being on you like light squared and all that if we weren't friends." Her voice was warm and coaxing, which only made him sadder, though he tried not to show it. "I really did mean it. It's just that I still love Leonard and starting something with you, wouldn't be the right thing to do. The last thing I would want is to lose you as a friend, Raj."

"I understand." He said stiffly. "I know you said that I wouldn't want to know why you came to see me, but I would like to know. It can't be possibly be as bad as you made it sound."

"Um, it is _that_ bad. But don't worry about it, okay? Figuring out how to get Leonard back is_ my_ problem, not _yours_. And it's kind of a girl thing, anyway, you know? So when I see Bernadette and Amy, I'll talk to them about it."

"I could help you, if you wanted." He blurted out. "I've seen all six seasons of _Sex and The City_ at least twice, and I've seen both movies."

Trying to stifle her laughter, she shook her head. "Really, Sweetie, you don't have to help. My plan was ridiculous, anyway, and there's _no way_ it was ever going to work."

"If you don't mind me asking," He swallowed briefly before continuing. "What was your plan?"

"To use you to make Leonard jealous." She winced as she got out the words in a rush.

"So that's why you're not wearing a bra." He mused thoughtfully.

"But it doesn't really matter now." She dismissed with a wave of her hand. "Cause I'm not going through with it. That wouldn't be fair to you, you know, using you like that. I don't know why I even went there. I should've known better, I'm not a teenager anymore. I'm a grown up now. Or at least I think I am. ANYWAY...You're not, um, mad about what I was going to do, are you? Cause that would really suck if you were. You being mad at me would be like a puppy being mad, it's just, like, not right."

It was his turn to wince, since the girl of his dreams compared him to a puppy, but that didn't stop him from doing what he did next. "I'm not mad Penny."

"Oh, good!" She clapped her hands as she jumped up and down, making him smile just a little.

"And I know you said it doesn't matter now, but I'm still willing to help you win back Leonard. You deserve to be happy, and I know he still cares about you. He was mad at me because he thought we had sex, and if he didn't still care about you, he wouldn't have been. I may not have your extensive acting training, I thought you were wonderful in the hemorrhoids commercial by the way, but I can try."

"Raj, honey..." She started to say, her tone wary, but he quickly cut her off. "Just once, I'd like to know how it feels to get the girl, even if it's not for real."

She should say no, she should tell him this is a bad idea, that it will crash and burn, friendships will be ruined, lives will be ruined too, but for some reason she can't. Maybe it's the look on his face, dejected, utterly sad, defeated, resigned and the tone of his voice is just as awful, so she tells herself that's why she said yes.


	3. It's All Up In The Air

_Author's Note: Just a little FYI, I changed the summary to this story to a quote from one of my favorite movies (500) Days of Summer starring Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. If you haven't seen it, rent it right now._

_Also, give love to my more than amazing beta Kat because if it wasn't for her, Penny's text message would be horribly out of character. So give an infinite number of kisses to Kat. 3_

**Chapter Two: It's All Up In The Air**

_**This is going to break me clean in two/This is going to bring me close to you**_

"_**She Is" – by The Fray**_

Raj could feel his nervous bladder starting to react as he saw Leonard sitting by himself at the table they sat at in the cafeteria with Sheldon and Howard.

Since the paintball game, tension had lessened between him and the bespectacled experimental physicist, but their friendship was still strained. More so than his and Howard's.

Swallowing thickly, he started to move toward the table when his stomach jumped and like a skittish cat, he retreated back to his spot. His eyes darted around the large room, looking for Howard's familiar bowl cut or Sheldon's lanky frame, hoping one of them would appear so he wouldn't have to face Leonard alone.

"Oh, for God sake's, Raj!" Leonard was exasperated as he stalked toward the astrophysicist. "I'm not going to bite you! Just come sit down before your food gets cold!"

"Maybe you're not going to _bite_ me, but come on, dude, you know I _can't_ handle confrontations! Hello! Indian guy with a nervous bladder over here!" Raj reminded with a pointed look.

The shorter man rolled his eyes. "Confrontations? We're going to sit down and have lunch, and yes we'll be alone until Howard and Sheldon join us like they _always_ do, but until they show up what do you think I'm going to do? Stab you with a fork?"

Sighing, Raj shook his head. "No, I don't think you're going to stab me or whatever, but you're still mad at me, dude!"

"So I'm still a little mad, it's not like in the grand scheme of things me being mad really matters. I mean it's not like you and Penny are _actually_ in a relationship." Leonard laughed loudly as if the mere thought was inconceivable. "You guys just had too much to drink, and fell into bed. That sort of thing happens all the time. It was a drunken mistake. And it's not as if I still have a shot with her or anything." His voice grew soft and listless at the end, his eyes taking on a distant look that made Raj's stomach sink.

Suddenly, his nervous bladder that he thought was under control started reacting again. He swallowed thickly, feeling sick at the thought of Leonard being unaware of how Penny told him breaking up with him had been a huge mistake and how he had agreed to her plan to use him to make Leonard jealous.

"Raj!"

The sound of his friend shouting his name drew the astrophysicist out of his daze. Blinking repeatedly, he asked, "Did you say something?"

It was Leonard's turn to blink as he scratched his head. "Yeah," He said slowly. "I asked if we were okay now? You know because you're not really with Penny, even though you thought you were, and I don't have a shot with her anymore?"

"Oh!" Raj nodded vigorously. "Sure, dude, we're all good. Gimmie some knuckles homeboy!"

"Give you some knuckles?" Leonard shook his head as he turned to walk away to their table, muttering, "What does _that_ even mean?"

When lunch was over, Raj and Sheldon returned to their shared office. Just as he sat down at his desk, his phone beeped; indicating that he received a text message. "Raj," Sheldon's voice was thick with warning as he looked at his colleague pointedly. "I don't think I need to remind you of my policy on cell phones in the workplace, now do I?"

Groaning, Raj recited in a dull tone, "Our workplace agreement states that in paragraph two, section three that cell phones must be turned off _immediately_ when one enters the office."

"Very good." The Texan praised as if talking to a puppy, sickly sweet smile on his face.

"I'm just going to take this outside, and before I come back inside I _will_ shut it off, so that your genius will not be disturbed."

"Was that sarcasm?"

"No."

"Oh, well, now that's very considerate of you, Rajesh."

Leaning against the wall, Raj flipped his cell phone open and saw that he received a text from Penny. His heart beat just a little faster than normal and he could feel his cheeks heating up. Opening the message he read:

_Bored work. Gr8 idea! U & Me, Hart of Dixie 2night!_

Swallowing, he could feel his fingers start to shake and his heart speed up even more. Just as he got the courage to start typing, another message from her popped up on the screen.

_Do u think it's not so gr8?_

Typing quickly, he responded with:

_It's a great idea! I love HOD! It totally replaced 90210 as my new One Tree Hill._

LOL and a winking smiley face was her response, and maybe it was girlie and yeah the other guys would totally make fun of him for it, but he could feel butterflies fill his stomach. Walking back into the office, he ignored Sheldon's scolding of how long it took him to respond to the offending text message and worked the rest of the day with a smile on his face.

"Gentlemen and Wolowitz," Sheldon announced as the foursome made its usual trek up the three flights of stairs to apartment 4B. "Who is ready for a rousing game of Klingon Boggle?"

In an instant Raj's nervous bladder had made reappearance. Suddenly, he felt like he was back underneath the sweltering sun of India and not standing in an air controlled hallway. His eyes darted nervously as he listened to Leonard grumble about not having anything better to do and Howard complain about how Bernadette had to spend time with her mother.

"I suppose," The lanky Texan drawled as he turned in his direction. "That you will express the same sentiments of wishing to be elsewhere as Leonard and Wolowitz or will you surprise me by agreeing with me that Klingon Boggle is an _excellent_ way to spend one's evening?"

Before he could let out even a _syllable_, Penny's voice suddenly entered the fray. Scoffing, she replied, "_Klingon Boggle_? Please. Raj could play that, like, _every day_ if he wanted. Hart of Dixie is something he can _only_ watch on Mondays. And oh! Would you look at that!" She smirked. "_Today's_ Monday. Looks like you'll have to find a fourth Klingon Boggle-er somewhere else boys."

Looking at his best friend, Howard asked, "What the frack?"

Sighing heavily, Raj threw up his hands in frustration as he whispered furiously in Howard's ear, "I told you, like, a _million times_, dude! Hart of Dixie totally replaced 90210 as my new One Tree Hill! Don't you listen to me when I talk to you?"

The Jewish engineer shrugged. "I can appreciate Rachel Bilson's hotness. She's aged very well since her O.C. days, and yeah those little shorts she wears are _awesome_, but what can I say? Jamie King and that blonde guy who's always shirtless don't do it for me, bro. Sorry."

"You watched _one_ episode!" Raj reminded harshly. "If your _fiancée_ asked you to watch it with her, you'd be all up in it! So you know what? You're riding solo tonight. I'll be at Penny's watching Zoe Hart try to endear herself to the Blue Bell-ians while that bitch Lemon Breeland tries _everything_ she can to get her to go back to New York."

Once he turned away from Howard, Penny was suddenly by his side, her smell of wild flowers and nectarine invading his nose, which made him light headed. But it was nothing compared to the feeling he got from her hand curling around his own. He knew he shouldn't (this was all for show, anyway), but he couldn't stop from looking down at their intertwined hands, hoping this small moment would stay with him as long as possible.

"Come on, Sweetie," She urged, pulling him toward her apartment. "This episode looks so good from the preview they showed at the end of last week's! I can't wait to see Wade and George bond! Though, I don't want to come out liking George too much." She admitted, scrunching her nose in disapproval. "Wade is _sooooo_ ," She elongated the word for emphasis, pretty features brightening. "The guy for Zoe!"

Raj raised his eyebrows causing Penny to ask, "Wait, don't tell me you think Zoe's supposed to be with _George_?"

His vigorous nod was her answer. "Uh, no." She remarked, shaking her head. "Zoe and Wade are, like, meant to be. Not to mention their chemistry is _amazing._ I mean, seriously, you can't beat," She paused to clear her throat and when she spoke again, her voice was deeper and she suddenly had a Southern accent so she could sound like the owner of the Rammer Jammer. "_Hey, doc, you ever notice that when I come around there's always sparks_?"

Her perky tone returned as she practically squealed while jumping up and down. "They're magic together!"

Making a so-so motion with his hand, he shrugged. "Oh, whatever." She dismissed. "What do you know? You're a boy."

A small laugh escaped, which made his charcoal eyes go wide as he clamped his hand over his mouth. She laughed lightly and shook her head, reaching to pry his hand away from his mouth. "Don't be shy, Sweetie," She cooed, leaning close enough that he could feel her body heat. "You've got a great laugh."

Swallowing thickly, all he could do was stare, his brain completely shut down. "Seriously, though," Her serene expression was now determined. "By the end of the night I will make you a Zade shipper if it's the _last_ thing I do. And just because you, ugh, like Zoe and George," He thought the way she pouted, sticking out her lower lip was adorable and made a mental note to tell her so once they were in her apartment. "I'm _not_ breakin' out the _good_ wine like I planned. How do ya like them apples, huh?"

Without a second glance at Leonard and Howard (Sheldon had, at some point, retreated to his apartment; no doubt bored by the pointless conversation going on around him), the pair made their way inside the apartment and shut the door behind them.

Looking between the spot his best friend had just occupied and the door to Penny's apartment and back again, Howard turned to Leonard whose face was the picture of confusion as he said slowly while he blinked, "What the frack?"

_Note: If you're unfamiliar, Hart of Dixie is a TV show on the CW network that stares Rachel Bilson as a doctor from New York forced to work in the small town of Bluebell, Alabama when she discovers the father she never knew left her his portion of his practice after he passes away._


	4. See Who's Your Friend, See Who's Kind

**Chapter Three: See Who's Your Friend, See Who's Kind**

_**You'll be rich in love and you will carry on/But no oh no, you won't be mine**_

"_**You Won't Be Mine" - by Matchbox 20**_

Whether Howard said anything, Leonard couldn't be sure. He felt like a thick fog had settled over his brain, and all he was capable of was just staring at Penny's closed apartment door.

"Hello," Howard practically shouted, making the experimental physicist blink rapidly. "You totally saw _that_ too, didn't you? Raj following Penny into her apartment like a puppy, I mean. You know kinda like _you_ used to do once upon a time, now that I think about it."

"Well, at least I know I'm not seeing things." Leonard muttered to himself.

"What was that?" The engineer asked. "I saw your lips move, but I couldn't quite catch the words coming out, so you might want to speak up there, buddy."

"What I said isn't important." Leonard dismissed. "What's _important_ is finding out what the hell we just saw!"

"And how do you propose we do that? Cause, um, I don't know if you know, but Penny gave me back the teddy bear I gave her."

"Okay." The experimental physicist said slowly, eyebrows knitting together. "I don't really know what that has to do with anything, and I'll probably regret this in about five seconds but, Howard, why did Penny give you back the teddy bear you gave her?"

"It had a web cam in it." Howard said, sheepishly. "But I don't really see what the big deal was, honestly, I don't. It's all part of my persona – you know I'm the lusty charmer, it's my thing. Sheldon has robot tendencies, Raj is the loveable foreigner, you've got that whole lost puppy thing going for you and me, I'm the lusty charmer."

"How did you get Bernadette to fall in love with you again? Did you drug her?"

"Very funny. Now, are we going to figure out what's going on in there," Howard jerked his head toward Penny's apartment. "Or not?"

"I don't know..." Leonard hesitated. "Spying on Penny and Raj seems wrong. I mean, it's not like they're having sex or anything. They're just watching that TV show they were talking about, and it's not like their conversations will be all that stimulating. She'll probably kick him out in the next ten minutes, you know how he gets when he's drunk."

"But how do you _know_ that's what will happen? And we're not spying on them, we're just – you know – eavesdropping, it's totally harmless. Now get over here and press your ear to the door and shut up."

"_Awww,_" They heard Penny gush. "_Wade looks adorable in his pirate outfit!"_

"_Oh, yes." _Raj's distinct accent came through next. _"Adorable."_

"_Like you're even looking at Wade or George. You're totally checking out Zoe in her little short shorts."_

"_If I'm looking at Zoe's shorts, it's only because they remind me of the same ones you wear during the summer. Actually, to be honest, Penny, you just remind me of Zoe in general."_

"_I do? Why would you say that?"_

"_Well, for the longest time Leonard, Sheldon, Howard and I just hung out with each other, and then you showed up out of blue just like Zoe did. You're different than us, you know, being a non-physicist, but you still found a way to fit in, and I think Zoe will endear herself to the Blue Bell-ians soon enough."_

"_Yeah, when Lemon keels over after drinking some poisoned sweet tea, maybe. Till then, girlfriend's got a long up hill climb, you know what I'm saying?"_

"So I guess all they're going to talk about is the show." Howard murmured, backing away from the door.

"Guess so." Leonard agreed with a shrug. "Which means we'll be spending the rest of our night playing Klingon Boggle with Sheldon."

"We could go to the comic book store instead?"

"On a Monday? Sheldon might actually short circuit, and who knows if we have the intellect capable for rebuilding him?"

"Good point." Howard snickered as he followed Leonard into his apartment.

"Well," Sheldon mused haughtily. "I see the two of you finally came to your senses and will be joining me in a rousing game of Klingon Boggle."

"Yeah," Leonard said dryly, slumping in the chair across from Sheldon's "spot" on the couch. "That's exactly what happened, Sheldon. We had epiphany, and realized there's _nothing_ better to do on a Monday night than play Klingon Boggle with you. You got us all figured out."

"Was that sarcasm?"

"No."

Back in Penny's apartment, the Planksgiving celebration in fictional Blue Bell, Alabama was winding down just like the bottle of wine the perky blonde had been sharing with the Indian astrophysicist.

Sipping slowly, Raj looked at the screen and then back at her with a furrowed brow as he asked, "Planksgiving? That cannot be a real American tradition, there's no way. That sounds like something that's totally made up. Like when Howard told me foreigners give Americans presents on Thanksgiving and that I'm supposed to wash your clothes on the Fourth of July."

"Oh my Gosh!" Penny hooted, loud laughter escaping her. "Are you serious? Howard _actually_ told you that stuff? And you _believed_ him? Oh, sweetie, that's hilarious. Though, I will say," She managed once her laughter died down. "I appreciated the new Sweet Pea lotion from Bath and Body you got me last year. Didn't know it was meant to be for Thanksgiving, I just thought you were celebrating Christmas early cause that's how they do it in India or something, but whatever."

"You're welcome." Raj's cheeks heated up significantly from her praise.

"As for the whole Planksgiving thing, I think the writers of the show made it up, but in little towns like Blue Bell they have traditions like that. It's like where I grew up in Nebraska, every year we had the Corn Cobb Festival," Her voice grew soft and whimsical, the chocolate of her eyes melting into warm pools of nostalgia that Raj couldn't help but get lost in. "And it was this big celebration of _everything_ corn; corn on the cob, grilled corn, corn salad, corn pudding, corn bread. If it had corn in it, we celebrated it."

Her laughter was lower than the boisterous hoot she let out earlier and it seemed to float off her full raspberry lips, making his stomach twist and turn. "I wanted _so_ badly to be the Corn Queen, that's the girl who's, like, the prettiest and the smartest and the best dressed girl in town," She explained, flashing him a bright smile. "But every year someone else beat me out. Ugh, it sucked _so_ bad."

From behind his lashes and with his head ducked shyly, he said, "I sincerely doubt there was a prettier, smarter or better dressed girl in your town than you, Penny."

"You're so sweet." The way she tapped his knee affectionately made him feel like a twelve year old with a crush on his hot sixteen year old babysitter.

"So anyway," She straightened up and in the process her leg brushed his and sent his blood pumping hard and fast through his body. "During all the commercials and stuff, I was thinking about the plan, and I _totally_ think it's working! I mean did you see Leonard's face while I was going on and on about how Klingon Boggle was too lame for you? He was all confused and he couldn't take his eyes off of you and me! He totally thinks something's going on! Isn't that great?"

Raj could feel his heart sinking to the soles of his feet. He knew what he was getting into the night, he agreed to Penny's plan, but that didn't mean he could just turn off his feelings. Of course, he knew realistically – no matter what Bernadette said about him being a cutie pie and any girl being lucky to have him – that he didn't have a snowball's chance in hell with _Penny_. She thought of him as a friend, as someone who was safe, who she could never have romantic feelings for, and it stung, deeply.

But his words from that night came back to haunt him.

_I just want to know how it feels to get the girl, even if it's not for real._

If he hadn't said anything and just let her walk out without pressing her to reveal her true intentions for showing up at his apartment, he wouldn't be on her couch right now with her knee touching his own, her smell of wildflowers and nectarines surrounding him and those big chocolate eyes of hers, so bright and excited, staring back into his own charcoal.

She looked so beautiful like this; wearing an old grey T-shirt that hung off her shoulder, revealing a tantalizing patch of her milky skin, ripped up jeans that fit her long toned legs so well and cupped her round bottom in just the right way while her long waves of golden hair tumbled down her shoulders, and her face bare of makeup except for the gloss on her lips.

"Raj, sweetie," Her coaxing tone kept her from continuing to wax poetically about her looks inside his head. "You in there?"

"Uh, yes." He stuttered before plastering a big grin on his face. "I am so pleased to hear that you think the plan is going so well."

"Whew." Penny let out a long breath as she pretend to wipe sweat from her brow. "For a second there, I thought I lost you or somethin'. I even thought you were going to tell me," She dropped her voice and did a bad imitation of his accent as she said, "Oh, Penny, it's getting beautiful again."

He didn't want to laugh, he wanted to cringe, to shake his head in disgust, but all he could do was laugh. She wasn't being malicious or making fun of him, she was just having fun, teasing him like friends tease friends, and it's not like she knew how real his feelings were, anyway.

"It's late." He said lamely, eyes drifting to the colorful clock hanging in her kitchen.

"Holy crap on a cracker! I totally forgot it was a school night!" She joked as he laughed with her. "So," She said, glancing back at her clock. "Do you think Leonard's done playing Klingon Boggle? Cause I just got the _perfect_ idea for how to blow his mind."

"I'm not really sure. We never place a time limit on our Boggle games. Usually it's over when Sheldon goes to bed."

"But Sheldon went to bed, like, _hours_ ago." She pouted, disappointment crossing her pretty features.

"Leonard could still be awake, though." Raj pointed out, cringing as he did so.

"Very true. See," The way she beamed at him had his stomach tumbling and his heart racing. "That's why you're _really_," She exaggerated the word. "Smart."

"Thank you."

It was sad, but any scrap of praise, he would take from her like a starving cow would take any shred of grass it could find back in India. Just as he stepped out of her apartment, Leonard came out of his. And the next thing he knew, her lovely, curvaceous body was pressed against his. Her arms wound themselves around his waist, bringing him closer to her and he swore he stopped breathing, and his khakis were tightening as she nuzzled her nose against his neck and whispered in his ear, "Say I'll see you this Friday for 80's Night at The Greek."

He knew she wasn't moving in slow motion, but it felt that way as she pulled back from his body. Looking down at her, only made his pants tighter; she was staring up at him through the velvet thickness of her lashes, her cheeks glowed in the hollow lights of the hallway and he couldn't help but stare at the fullness of her lips, wishing he could have them pressed against his like they had been once not so long ago.

"Raj." She whispered harshly, eyes narrowing and looking far more frightening than she probably should.

"Oh, right!" Clearing his throat, he swallowed thickly and then said exaggeratedly, "I will see you Friday for 80's Night at The Greek, Penny."

Cringing at how overly excited he sounded, Penny sighed before she batted her eyelashes and touched his cheek briefly, running a pink painted fingernail along the profile of his jaw line as she said, "I can't wait."

"I believe this is what the laymen would commonly refer to as an interesting turn of events." Amy's familiar deadpan caused Raj, Penny and Leonard to look away from each other and face the landing of the stairway. "I had the intentions of coming to make plans with my Bestie," Her voice slightly perked at the word before dropping down again. "But she appears to not need my assistance in that regard. So," She turned to Leonard. "Since Friday nights are no longer spent alone playing my harp and I wish to continue that trend, Leonard - though I find you tedious with your constant need for approval - I would still request that you escort me to the aforementioned 80's Night."

Leonard swallowed thickly, his eyes drifting from Raj's charcoal to Penny's chocolate. Giving Sheldon's girl/friend a feeble attempt at a smile, he shook his head and said, "I wish I could, but obviously 80's Night is something Penny and Dr. Koothrappalli," Raj's title was harsh and bitter sounding, making the astrophysicist wince. "Want to do alone."

With that, Leonard walked back into his apartment.

"Oh. I see." Amy said in a measured tone. "You two have obviously extended your drunken romp into something of a relationship. And I thought you listened to me, Penny when I told you to keep it in your pants after Dr. Koothrappalli came to my apartment."


	5. Every Little Thing

**Chapter Four: Every Little Thing**

_**Every little thing she does is magic/Everything she do just turns me on**_

"_**Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic" - by The Police**_

Penny was anxious about asking Ally, the girl who had replaced Bernadette, to cover her bar tending shift, so she could go to 80's Night with Raj. It was times like this, she wanted to go all "junior rodeo" on Bernadette's little butt for having to go and get her doctorate. Cause, really, she _couldn't_ have just _one_ damn friend in L.A who _wasn't_ a freaking genius?

Shaking her head, she approached the brunette with her brightest smile and in her sweetest tone, she asked, "I know it's short notice, but you wouldn't mind covering my shift on Friday, would you, Ally?" She batted her eyelashes and stuck out her bottom lip to increase her chances.

"Cover your Friday shift?" The slightly younger girl was beaming like Brad Pitt was standing in front of her. "Hell yeah! I could use _any_ extra cash I can get my hands on! I'm hoping to save up enough so I can pay for the rest of my schooling."

"Oh, yeah? What are you studying?"

"Ecology. I'm only a couple semesters away from getting my doctorate."

Penny blinked in disbelief. "Seriously?" She all but shrieked, throwing her hands up in the air. "You too? Ugh!"

Stalking off, she muttered under her breath as she shook her head, "I thought people in L. A. were supposed to be dumb? And all they wanted to be were musicians and actors?"

Sliding into a chair in the back of the restaurant, she pulled out her phone and started surfing through all the headlines on E!'s homepage from the Kardashians to Brangelina. Giggling to herself, she nearly jumped out of her chair when she felt an insistent tap on her shoulder. Turning around, she found Raj standing behind her.

His eyes were hooded and nervous as they darted around the restaurant while he shifted his weight from foot to foot, making her reach out to stroke his wrist, but he jerked back before she could even make contact.

Her brows furrowed as her lips pursed themselves together in a frown. "Sweetie, are you okay?" She asked, keeping her voice purposefully soft.

He shook his head adamantly and as he reached into his pocket for his cell phone, she succeeded in grabbing his wrist this time. "Uh-uh." She waggled her finger at him, her tone scolding. "No way, Mister. We are _not_ texting when you're standing right in front of me! That's stupid! Come on, Raj I know you can talk to me if you just try! I mean, seriously, you..." She paused, forgoing her grip on his wrist to grip the front of his sweater vest and pull him down to her level. "Saw me naked." She whispered harshly, her minty fresh breath making his head spin.

He opened his mouth, but nothing came out; not even a strangled noise. He just stood there, his face barely two inches from hers, gaping like a fish.

Frustrated, she shook her head and let go of his sweater vest. "Just so you know," She told him, eyes narrowed as he moved to sit across from her. "This – you're whole not talking to me thing – is _so_ grounds for me going all junior rodeo on you. But then you do your whole sad puppy face thing, and it's like – ugh! How can I be mad at you?"

_Sad puppy face thing, _Raj thought grimly. _Great. Just what every guy wants to hear. Well, having a sad puppy face wouldn't be a bad thing if Penny thought my sad puppy face reminded her of a labradoodle, but I doubt she thinks I have that much sex appeal. Damn._

"Yoo-hoo! Houston, to Raj!" Penny mimicked an air traffic controller, complete with static as she cupped her hands to her mouth. "Houston, to Raj!"

Blinking, he could feel his whole face heating up as he peered at her shyly through his eyelashes. Taking out his cell phone, he began furiously typing, his breath caught in his throat as he waited for her response.

Penny looked down at her phone, finding that he wanted to back out of 80's Night. Glaring at him, she typed her response back just as furiously, and watched as the color drained from his face, his eyes going wide. He clearly hadn't forgotten what going all "junior rodeo" meant.

He swallowed thickly and typed back, his fingers not nearly as fast as they were seconds ago.

Her beaming smile crossed her lips as she clapped her hands excitedly. "I knew you'd see things my way." She winked before sliding from her chair and returning to her shift.

Just as Penny slipped _another_ bangle bracelet onto her right wrist, she heard a knock at her door. Groaning, she expected it to be followed by another two knocks and then the dullect tone of, "Penny," which would be repeated twice. Instead, there was just silence. Confused, but happy that Sheldon wasn't on the other side of the door, she opened the door to see Amy and Bernadette on the other side.

_Awesome_, she thought. _Amy totally told Bernadette about Monday night when she heard Raj and I make the plans for 80's Night. _

"Hey, guys!" She put on her best cheerful smile and ushered them inside, desperately hoping they wouldn't start pummeling her with questions. The more people that knew about her plan to get Leonard back by using Raj, the less chance it had at actually succeeding. Especially with these two involved, they couldn't keep a secret if their lives depended on it. She really needed to get some better girlfriends.

"I'd ask what your plans are, as is the social custom, but seeing as I heard you make said plans, I don't see the need for such a trival conversation starter." Amy said in her usual deadpan. "So instead, I shall ask why you are dressed as though you're attending a wedding and you are the bride?"

"Seriously?" Penny arched a pointed brow. "I'm not going to a wedding! It's 80's Night at The Greek, and I'm dressed up as Madonna from her _Like A Virgin_ video!"

"I'm afraid your reference is lost on me."

"Come on, Bernadette, help a sister out here!"

"Madonna is a famous singer." Bernadette explained.

"Oh."

"So that's all cleared up..." Penny muttered, shaking her head. "Let's talk about why you guys are _really_ here."

"Why we're really here?" Amy's brows furrowed, her lips turning into a frown. "I wasn't aware we were going to discuss the matter of existentialism. Bernadette," She turned to the tiny strawberry blonde. "Why didn't you make me aware of the sudden change in our purpose for visiting my Bestie this evening? I was under the impression we were going to discuss her apparent relationship with Rajesh even though we both believe she still harbors feelings for Leonard?"

"That's why we are here, Amy." Bernadette assured. "We're here to talk to Penny about what's going on with her and Raj, not why we – as people – are here, as in on Earth, in a larger sense."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely."

Penny sighed heavily as she rubbed her forehead, her head suddenly pounding. "Look you guys..." She started to say just as a knock on her apartment's door reverberated through the space.

Panicked, she smoothed out the nonexistent wrinkles of her dress before pulling a small compact mirror from the right cup of her dress' bodice and checked her teeth. Smacking her lips together, she fluffed her hair before opening the door. Giggles rose in her throat at the sight of Raj dressed like Oates from Hall and Oates, complete with the wig of tight curly black hair and the mustache, known back in the day as the Oates-stache.

"Lookin' good, Raj." She joked, letting out a low whistle, unable to keep the giggles at bay.

This wouldn't be the first time or the last, Raj found himself unable to breathe in Penny's presence. Actually, he _remembered_ the first time that happened; conciendentially it was the very first time he ever saw her. She was wearing the blue T-shirt with purple designs on it and those teeny tiny denim shorts, nothing spectacular, but she looked prettier than any girl he'd ever seen.

Tonight, was no exception. Dressed to mirror Madonna in her _Like A Virgin_ music video, like many other girls at the concert were sure to be as well, he knew she'd look the best out of all of them. His eyes drank all of her in, following the smooth column of her neck (draped in dangling necklaces) to the swells of her pert breasts (the tops peeking over the cups of the dress' bodice), the flare of her shapely hips and the length of her toned legs that sadly were covered by tight black leggings.

"So..." She drew out the word, twirling as she did so. "What do you think?"

He blushed and pantamimed holding onto a steering wheel, silently reminding her that he was driving. She sighed heavily and for a moment looked off-put as she pouted, but her lips curved into a soft smile as she said, "So you can't tell me how pretty I am now, you'll totally tell me later."

He gave her the thumb's up sign, a huge grin breaking out across his angular but full features and she laughed.

Turning to Bernadette and Amy who were failing miserably at acting like they weren't eavesdropping, she told them, "Lock up when you guys leave, okay? The last thing I need is Sheldon breaking in and cleaning again. I mean, he's hardly ever over here, so why should he give a flying hoot what _my_ apartment looks like? See ya later!"

When Penny explained the reasoning behind locking up, Amy looked around her apartment. "Hmmm," She observed. "Though, I understand Penny's aversion to her space being invaded without her explicit permission, I don't think allowing Sheldon to come in and clean is an entirely - as the laymen say - bad idea. To quote an unnamed simpleton if I may, this place is a pigsty."

"Amy!" Bernadette hissed.

"I feel as though whispering my name in such a harsh manner is meant to alert me to something, but what, I don't know. Explain yourself further."

Bernadette was about to say something when Penny poked her head back in and said, "Oh before I forget, you guys can help yourselves to whatever. Just don't drink all my wine. Bye!"

"Bye Bestie!" Amy gave an enthusiastic wave. "I'll miss you!"

Bernadette just gave a small wave and once Penny closed the door, she turned back to Amy and with a big smile said, "I think I understand why Penny is going out with Raj tonight."

"You do?" Amy looked hurt. "But Penny is my Bestie. If either of us should understand her reasoning behind why she does anything, it's me!"

"Oh!" Bernadette became frantic at Amy's tear filled eyes. "Don't cry Amy! I only said I think I know, not that I do know! You'll have to make sure I'm right since you know Penny so well."

"Yes." Amy nodded firmly. "You will need my expertise in all things Penny to be sure of your assumptions. So what do you think she is hoping to achieve by attending this 80's Night with Rajesh? I am, as they say, all ears."


	6. She'll Chew You Up

**Chapter Five: She'll Chew You Up**

_**She's deadly man/And she could really rip your world apart**_

"_**Maneater" - by Hall and Oates**_

As Raj predicted Penny was _not_ the only Madonna attending 80's Night, but she was by far the prettiest. Downing the last of his beer, he had the courage to tell her so.

"You're the prettiest Madonna here; just like I knew you would be."

Penny couldn't help but beam as he told her how pretty he thought she was, but that wasn't the reason she was smiling so brightly. Sure, a few years back that would have been the reason, but not anymore. She was smiling from ear to ear because hearing the astrophysicist's distinct accent directed toward her was so rare. It was almost like him _actually_ talking to her was confirmation of their friendship. Over the years she came to understand his social anxiety, but she figured – after what – five years, he'd be able to talk to her _without_ an ounce of alcohol, wouldn't he? She was one of the guys, wasn't she?

He couldn't help but notice the furrow of her pretty brow. "Are you okay, Penny?"

Waving her hand in dismissal, she nodded. "Psh, yeah, I'm okay. I was just – you know – usin' the ol' noggin. Despite what Sheldon thinks, I _do_ think. I just leave the big stuff to you smarty pantses."

When she winked, his heart skipped a beat and he once again had to remind himself that this _wasn't_ a date; at least not in the conventional sense that he longed it to be. All this was, was a way to help her get back together with his friend. Or as of right now, ex friend, was probably a more appropriate way to qualify Leonard.

The look of betrayal in his eyes from that Monday in the hallway still haunted Raj. That look stung him deeply. He could tell himself over and over that he was doing _this_ – being with Penny – for Leonard, but he knew he wasn't. He was being a selfish bastard and an even worse friend.

"Oh, no." Penny gasped from beside him, her hand darting out to grip his forearm so he would stop walking into the theatre.

"Is something wrong?" He asked, confused as to why she stopped him from walking.

"Uh, yeah something's wrong!" Her index finger poked him harshly in the chest, which made him wince, even though he tried not to. "You're getting all sad puppy face on me, that's what's wrong! And since you're getting all sad puppy face that means you're thinking of backing out on _the plan_, and you can't do that! Not when it's working so good! Leonard is _soooo _jealous! I mean did you _see_ his face on Monday night when he found out we were coming here? That," She proclaimed, voice brimming with confidence. "Was his jealous face. And yeah, I get why you're having second thoughts and all, he's your friend and you don't want to hurt him, but see that's the beauty of _the plan_, you're not _actually_ hurting him because this – you and me – isn't real! So there's no reason for you to back out, right?"

Her pretty features were so earnest and so innocent, her doe eyes staring straight into his, silently daring him to disagree, and oh did he want to. He wanted to tell her that, yes _this_ was hurting Leonard and as far as the experimental physicist was concerned _everything_ he saw and heard was real, but he couldn't muster a single sound.

The way she was looking at him and how she was anxiously bouncing on the balls of her feet while biting on the plumpness of her raspberry lips, made him swallow his protests. She was steady on her feet once again and had released the flesh of her lip, and suddenly she was invading his space.

His nervous bladder was flaring, his mind going a million different ways, wondering just what she was about to do.

Then it happened, her raspberry lips made contact with the skin of his cheek. He could feel the slight pressure they applied just like he could smell her fragrance of nectarines and wild flowers. And when his eyes fluttered as he readied to savor the moment, the pressure was gone as if a butterfly's wings had danced across his skin and not her enticing lips.

Her small, delicately curved hand reached for his and her fingers sunk in between the grooves of his own, and hand in hand they walked into the theatre; his silence once again, sealing his fate.

Back in Penny's apartment, Bernadette was attempting to explain to Amy what she believed was _really_ going on between their friend and Raj.

"I believe by your constant use of the word "plan," Penny has concocted a ruse to use Rajesh as a way to make Leonard jealous, and therefore become the object of his affection again, is that correct?" Amy peered curiously at Bernadette over her wire-rim glasses.

"Yes, that is correct." Bernadette assured, silently thankful that she wouldn't have to hear any of the brunette's off the wall theories that were slightly disturbing.

"Hmmm," Amy pondered. "This ruse of Penny's that you speak of reminds me of the madcap schemes one would find in the films known as romantic comedies. And in such films, the stunningly beautiful heroine, which in this scenario would be Penny, usually finds herself relying on her girlfriends to help perpetrate her scheme, and as her friends I believe it is our duty – mine especially since I am her Bestie – to do just that."

"Um, okay." The tiny strawberry blonde's squeaky voice was hesitant. "What _exactly_ does that mean?"

"Get Penny's laptop so I can update my facebook. If I remember correctly, Sheldon has changed the WiFi password to Penny-Is-A-Freeloader-Who-Eats-All-Our-Food without any spaces, of course. Once I have the laptop, I shall post anecdotes about her evening with Rajesh that will surely have Leonard facing the green eyed monster, which is a common euphemism for jealousy."

After ferreting through piles of dirty clothes strewn on almost every flat surface in the apartment, a mountain of stuffed animals on the bed and stacks of dirty dishes (that weren't in the sink), the microbiologist _finally_ found her friend's hot pink laptop. Handing it to the neurobiology, she typed in the password and they were online and ready to help their friend with her ruse.

On a dime, as they say, the atmosphere at The Greek changed as Hall and Oates segued from their hit "Private Eyes" to the last song of their set and the night, "Sara Smile." Suddenly the loud off-key singing that had filled the theatre was gone, replaced by the whispers of couples pairing off so they could dance and the soft giggles of single women who were approached by single men.

Not surprisingly Penny was approached, but to Raj's internal delight, turned down all the offers to dance. "Sorry," She explained, warm smile crossing her raspberry lips. "I'm here with a date, and I'm gonna dance with him."

Before he realized what was happening, she was right in front of him and her small hands were curving to the blades of his shoulders. Her chocolate eyes were hidden behind the thick fans of her velvet lashes and she giggled, shaking her head as she remarked, "Come on, Raj, I know you know how to slow dance."

He felt the urge to run in the other direction so he could relieve himself, his damned nervous bladder flaring once again, but he swallowed thickly and with shaking hands, gently gripped her hips.

"See," She teased, smile bright as she pressed herself closer, making him hold back the groan that rose in his throat. "It's not so hard. Now just sway back and forth, prom style."

Her pretty brow furrowed, her lips pursing adorably as she cocked her head. "Do they _even_ have proms in India?"

"Not really." He answered through the large lump that had suddenly developed in his throat.

"Yeah, well, don't feel bad or anything. It's not like you missed out on much. All of my prom dates ended up completely wasted and trying to take off my dress in the hay loft of the barn..." She paused, appearing lost in thought. "Or maybe it was the cornfield a few miles away from the high school? Nah, it was _definitely_ the bleachers behind the football field. Yeah, that's where they tried to take off my dress. Jerkoffs."

He laughed stiffly, unsure of what exactly his response should be. Halfway through the song, he realized just how _close_ their bodies were; he could feel the weight of her breasts against his chest, her hips right in line with his own and her soft, warm breath against the column of his neck. When, he didn't know, but at some point her head had become tucked under his chin, and he swallowed thickly, reminding himself to continue to sway and not just stand there like a statue.

The final notes of the song hung in the air, and as if she were moving in slow motion she pulled back, smiling warmly. "I had a good time."

"Me too." He nodded enthusiastically, making her giggle.

Sheldon looked around the living room, tisking and shaking his head as he muttered, "No, no, no this _will not_ do at all. The numbers for Halo Night are uneven. I knew that Penny was trouble from the moment she moved in. Just look at what she's done; coming over here to eat our food, using our WiFi and now she's ruined Halo Night. That hussy!"

The rigid theoretical physicist's muttering didn't register with Leonard and Howard; they were too busy check and re-checking Amy's facebook page for any updates regarding what exactly was happening between Penny and Raj at 80's Night.

"Oh, God." Howard muttered reading Amy's latest update.

"What?" Leonard was on the verge of a panic attack. "What's it say? What?"

"My Bestie is fond of the way her male companion for the evening moves with her." Both the experimental physicist and the engineer read at the same time, jaws dropping.

"What in the world are you two doing?" Sheldon questioned, eyes narrowed dangerously. "How can you be consumed with Amy's idle womanly jibber-jaber on her facebook page when Halo Night is ruined? Ruined, do you hear me? Ruined!"

"Shut up, Sheldon." They both hissed, eyes still focused on the laptop's screen in front of them.

Another update popped up and this one said, "My Bestie is inviting her male companion up to her apartment for a late night cocktail. I must sign off so I can do my duty as her BFF and set the "mood" as the ambiguous they always say."

"Set the..." Leonard sputtered, running his fingers through his hair as he began pacing the apartment. "Sheldon, you need to go over there and get your woman in line!"

"Get my woman in line?" Sheldon questioned, arching a brow. "Oh, I don't think so. This, I believe, Penny inviting Raj to her apartment to enjoy a beverage is perfect vengeance since you seemed to have forgotten the importance of Halo Night. So, no, I will not be getting my woman in line. By the way, for future reference, I feel as though I should inform you that there is no clause in my relationship agreement with Amy Farrah Fowler that states it is my duty as her boyfriend to quote get her in line unquote."

Just before Sheldon turned on his heel, he let out his standard evil villain laugh "Maw-ha-ha," and then retreated to his bedroom, leaving Leonard and Howard in the living room.


	7. Hell On Heels

_Author's Note: Obviously The Vow is coming out before The Dark Knight Rises, but I'm taking creative license with the release dates of both movies since this story hasn't approached Valentine's Day and when and if it does, it will have nothing to do with The Vow. So yes, I am aware that these two movies are not being released at the same time in the real world, but this is fanfiction so yeah..._

**Chapter Six: Hell On Heels**

_**I'm gonna break me a million hearts/I'm hell on heels, baby I'm comin' for you**_

"_**Hell On Heels" - by Pistol Annies**_

Maybe it's wrong, and yeah, she should be _waaaaaay _past the age of pulling stunts like this to get her ex back, but desperate times call for desperate measures, right? She's pretty sure some smart cookie like Newton said that, but it doesn't matter _who_ said it, all that matters is that the plan works and she gets Leonard back.

She can't help but laugh at the thought, though. Because, _really_, if someone had told her years ago that she'd be conspiring to get her ex-boyfriend back who's a _nerd_, she would have laughed in their face. Actually, she probably would have fallen over.

So clearly she's grown _a lot_ since coming to L.A.

Beaming at her personal growth, Penny grabs her laundry basket and heads down the three flights of stairs to the laundry room. Humming the latest Beyonce` and swinging her hips from side to side, she stops abruptly when she sees the only other occupant in the room is Leonard. Quietly she sets her laundry basket down, fluffs her hair, runs her tongue along her teeth just in case and then fluffs her hair again before picking her basket up and sauntering into the room.

"Hey, Leonard." She says, flashing her bright smile, setting her basket on top of one of the dryers.

Leonard swallowed thickly, cursing himself as his eyes raked over every curvaceous inch of Penny's body. He felt anger bubble up inside of him, watching her bounce around the room humming to herself, swaying her hips and wearing next to nothing. Okay, so she wasn't wearing _nothing _in the literal sense. If she were, he would have passed out by now.

But still...How can she do _this_? Parade around in her little short shorts and tight fitting tank tops and act like she's not going on dates with one of his best friends?

"P-P-Penny." He groaned inwardly at hearing himself stutter.

"Yeah?" Her doe eyes were the picture of innocence, the fans of her thick velvet lashes fluttering just so and her full lips forming an attractive "o" shape.

"Never mind." He said quickly, turning back to retrieve his clothes from the washing machine.

"Sweetie," She coaxed, reaching out to stroke his arm. "If you've got something to tell me, just go ahead and say it. Keeping it inside, isn't going to do you any good. So come on, lay it on me."

"Really, it's not important." He dismissed, shaking his head.

"You sure?"

"Yeah," He croaked out, his voice going about an octave higher. "I'm sure."

"Well, okay..." Her voice trailed off skeptically just as her phone buzzed telling her she got a text message.

He couldn't help but watch as she glanced at her phone, her beautiful features breaking out into her customary bright smile. She giggled enthusiastically and typed something quickly before setting it back down. Turning his way, she remarked, "Can you believe Raj thought we were going to see The Dark Knight Rises when it comes out the same weekend as The Vow? I mean, seriously? Like I'm going to pick a super hero movie over what is going to be the most romantic movie _ever_ after The Notebook and Titanic, of course."

"Wh...What?" He managed to sputter out, eyes going wide behind his black square framed glasses.

"I said can you believe..." Penny was interrupted by the buzzing of her phone, holding up her finger, she turned away and glanced back down at the screen. Once she was finished typing, her doe eyes were staring into his, proud smile gracing her glossy raspberry lips as she joked, elbowing him for effect, "It's amazing how the two words _junior rodeo_ can scare the pants off of him. We're _totally_ seeing The Vow now. Yay!"

Once she stopped hopping up and down and clapping her hands, she asked, pretty brow furrowing adorably, "You said something? Or were about to say something?"

Leonard didn't really know what to say. He blinked over and over and rubbed the back of his head nervously, shifting his weight from foot to foot before he fumbled with his hands, twisting and untwisting them, making Penny arch a perfectly tweezed brow. "Sweetie, are you okay? You seem nervous."

"N-n-No." He stumbled. "I'm fine. No one's nervous," He chuckled feebly. "I mean, I'm _certainly_ not nervous. I don't know about you. Though, I don't know what you'd have to be nervous about. Not that I know what's going on with you because you could potentially have something to be nervous about. But me? No, I'm not nervous."

"Honey," She couldn't help but giggle. "I think you just word vomited all over me. You know," Her lips bloomed into a cheeky grin. "For someone who's certainly not nervous."

"Word vomited?" He scratched his head as he blinked. "I don't know what that means."

"Don't worry about it," Penny waved her hand dismissively. "So do you think you could spare a gal some fabric softener? It's like I'm asking for a cup of sugar, except I'm not."

As she laughed at her own joke, he couldn't help but join in. His laughter, however, was hollow because all he could focus on was how she was going out with Raj again.

"Where are you going?" Sheldon asked, walking into the living room from his bedroom. "Tonight is Tuesday, which is New Comic Book Night, and since I do not drive, you have to take me to the comic book store. I mean, really, Leonard this schedule isn't that hard to follow. Honestly, this is why you're only an experimental physicist and not a theoretical physicist."

"Don't short circuit, Sheldon." Leonard grumbled. "I'm just going to see Penny, it's not like I'm going to Timbuktu."

"And just how long will this "seeing" Penny take, exactly? Five minutes? Ten? Because New Comic Book Night waits for no man."

"Yeah, well, it's either wait for me to come back from seeing Penny or put on your bus pants, so you can go to the comic book store. Hopefully, you'll put on your bus pants."

Before Sheldon could say anything, Leonard walked out of their apartment and across the hall. Knocking on Penny's door, his breath caught in his throat when she opened it; she was only wearing a short silky robe and he could see her bronze skin was still glistening from having taken a shower.

The familiar threat of dizziness over took him, and he had to remind himself to breathe. Swallowing, he gave her his best attempt at a smile before saying, "Hey."

"Hey." She returned, smile bright. "Lemme guess, you need to borrow a cup of sugar, right?"

The little flirtatious wink, she sent him, had his stomach tumbling and his heart pounding; though, he tried desperately to ignore both. "N-n-n-No sugar, but maybe next time?" He offered, awkward high-pitched laughter tumbling off his lips.

"So if it's not sugar you need," Maybe it was his imagination, but he could have sworn her voice dropped to a lower register. "What do you need, Leonard?"

"Uh...Um...You see..." He stops stuttering, taking a deep breath to regroup and get his racing thoughts under control.

"Not to rush you or anything, Sweetie, but could you try speeding up the process just a little. Raj is going to be here in, like, twenty minutes and I'm not even _dressed_ yet. And you know how much I like to watch the previews at the movies."

"How could I forget?" He whispers, tone listless and a little broken. "That's your favorite part."

"Awwww." She gushed happily. "You remembered. That's so sweet."

"Yeah, I remembered."

His sienna colored eyes are boring into her chocolate, and neither knows how long they've been standing there – just staring – until Sheldon's East Texas twang rings out, breaking the spell. "I really don't understand the expression "going to see someone." I mean, it just doesn't make sense. It's not like you haven't _seen_ Penny before, Leonard. You've _seen_ her every day for the past five years as she lives across the hall. And not just that, but you've seen her in every possible way that you can see another person. You've seen her happy, sad, mad, clothed, unclothed, her body twisted in the agony that is coitus."

"Sheldon!" Penny barked, eyes narrowed. "Stop it! You're in the hallway! Anybody could just walk on by and here you!"

"You're point being?"

"Oh my God! I don't want _anybody_ to know who I've had coi – I mean sex with! Jeez!"

"Oh."

"Oh, he says, oh." Shaking her head, she turned her chocolate eyes back to Leonard's sienna. "So are you going to tell me what it is that you had to see me about? Because like I said before, Raj is going to be here any minute and, yeah, I'm still not dressed so..."

"Don't worry about it. It's not a big deal."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"If you say so..."

"Just um," Leonard called out before she could shut the door. "Enjoy your movie and the previews too; since you know, they're you're favorite part and all."

"Thanks, Sweetie. Have fun at the comic book store."

_End Note: I know there was no Raj in this chapter, but again, bear with me. He will be back in the next chapter. I promise._


End file.
